Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
