So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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