Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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