Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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