my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
