You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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