if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
