dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
