just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
