Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
