I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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