so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
