Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
