i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
