currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
