1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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