once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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