Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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