i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My pussy is not your playground.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize