i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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