So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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