I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
