Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
