I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
