I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
