youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
