This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
