be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
