i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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