Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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