Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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