There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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