So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
