I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
