Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize