Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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