You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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