They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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