WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
