chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
