question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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