There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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