He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
