Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
