Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
