You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
