do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
