The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
