I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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