false alarm. still invincible.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
