my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
