so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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