OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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