i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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