A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
