I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She bit a glass in half.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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