He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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