Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
