my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
