Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
