Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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