wanna go halves on a baby?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
