Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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