we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
