Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I could fuck to npr.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
