just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
