Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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