Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
