She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
