she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
